shadyslayer's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i miss rayquel. i'm glad i went on that trip. all alicia did the entire way there was tell me how much her friends all like me. apparently there are 5 or 6 girls that like me. she won't tell me all of the names though. siiiigh it's all just so creepy oh well all i thought about the whole time was rayquel, though. i kept crying the whole way there. i missed her so much. i just wanted her there. i got her initials airbrushed on my arm. i would've got her whole name, but i was too poor. the thing that sucks is that by the time i see her it'll be gone. not faaaaair i should've just bought her the monkey, but... now both jordan and alicia have told me that i should just ask rayquel out agian and get over with it. because i love her so much so so so so so so so much siiiiigh i love her and i haven't got to talk to her really yet. last night. cause my stupid phone got stolen. so i'm just. gonna be online all day. and my mom saids i can use her phone tonight if the house is clean. which i'm going to do. so i can talk to her. i knew she was cutting agian. and i know she's feeling terrible. and i die at the thought i wanna yell at her. i wanna hold her. i wanna tell her how much it isn't really going to solve anything. i just wanna make it all better. just. tell me how to make it better? i just love her so much. it tears me apart to think of her hurting. and it is my fault because, you know, even if i was thinking about giving up on her for 2 seconds...i should've kept it to myself. but then, to me, it would've felt like i was decieving her. because no matter how hard i try, i still feel like she's my wife. mine forever. in my head, in my heart, that's how i feel. and even the THOUGHT of another person makes me feel like i'm cheating. and i promised myself, that after that whole thing with alex and heather.. never fucking agian i couldn't do it even if i wanted to the guilt would over power me. ahhhh i miss rayquel! *sobs* it's okay. i'll see her thursday. right? right? right? yes..right. i will. mmm. i love her so. 12:08 pm - Sunday, May. 16, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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