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blah and blah again
[Wednesday, Aug. 18, 2004 @ 11:03 pm]
is monagomy just an invention of the human mind?

or are we doomed to fail eachother forever?

i read a book, recently

it's changed my view on that subject.

because, honestly, i thought it was just..something we made up.

but no, no, it can happen.

when the love for one person is so great that...without them you're abstint...

it also made me swear off everything

strange

people like me...we're not needed in this world anymore. we're a dying breed. we're the wanders. the enemies of routine, mindlessness, and factories.

i don't want to work in a factory

i wanna travel. i think...i'm thinking i want to be a photographer, or a web designer. something that would allow me the freedom i so desire. to do what i want, when i want, with whoever i want.

but i'm tired of drowning myself in empty things and empty people.

trying to resurfice will be difficult

but i'm already starting.

first things first: stop flirting with everyone

right, right. gotcha. i can do that. bah. people mistake my satire for flirting all the time. so i'll just stop being funny!...er...bah!

second: focus on the things that matter

this...will be easy and difficult at the same time. i realized last night at the stadium that band and school were going to take up nearly all my time. so i had to figure out what all exactly was important to me, so i could put the rest on hold. i've...yet to think about this really. but it's there! i'll get to it..soon.

third: continue to be positive, no matter what!

this is most important, and what i hope to completely jump into. i can't be negative. the moment i start being negative, the moment everything i've worked for comes apart. no negativity!

forth: stop being so trusting

while i should be postive, i gotta stop being so trusting of other people. not everybody likes me, and not everybody has my best interests at heart. only a few people do this. funnily enough, those people are the people i *don't* trust. sad, i know. so, trust the right people, dun trust everybody else!

fifth: stop being so selfish

i've been working on this one for a long time, and i think it's finally starting to kick in. i started it with amy, then to my mom, then to cason...it's doin somethin, hopefully.

okay, that's it. my plan for chaning myself, so that i can be an actual adult when i turn 18. it's a long process, but i think we can do it!

[maybe we'll finish early?]

...if you're wondering why i made this list, it's cause i realized that hey: most of the people i know that are around my age are VERY IMMATURE..and it's really starting to annoy me. Being overly dramatic or sensitive will NOT get you ANYWHERE in life, and everyone can do better. plus, i'm tired of being treated like a child by everyone. if you wanna be treated like an adult, act like one. (this is a lesson ALL of you should learn. all of us are treated like children, when most of us really AREN'T. we've all been through a lot, and we deserve more respect. thing is, we gotta GIVE IT first.) i worked on this with amy and my mom and..hey! it works. cason and i'll always be equals, but i'm hoping for at least some more respect points there.

(now, immaturity does NOT include playing video games, or with toys, or jumping up and down and screaming like an idiot. no, acting like a dork/geek/idiot has nothing to do with being mature. people of all ages do these things, and they are often mistaken for immaturity. my little sister isn't immature for spazzing about new clothes or a toy or something like that. she's immature for throwing a fit over not being able to get what she wants. there's a difference.)

anywho.

i think i'll go play some more video games...then reading...then sleep.

unless someone wants to call me?

(i can call ya back if you do...((my cell works!))