shadyslayer's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i want my mixtape. so i've been wrapped up in these ropes for so long,and as they start to cut my skin, i scream. you ask me what i say...did i stutter or roll my tongue? and everything that was important to me is vastly absent in my life. and i laugh at the importance it used to have. the things i threw away for just another day. guess that's the price i pay, price to live another day. and i'd like to say i'm tired of something, but i don't know what the value of that is anymore. everything i say sounds so redundant, and for once i'm left speechless. not for lack of things to say, mind you, but for lack of not wanting to. everyone is so lost on me, i am lost on them. i hate whining like this, but i think it's okay now cause no one's listening. i miss sitting with someone who loves me, cuddling them and telling them what they mean to me. i miss kissing in the dark, hiding in a corner just to spend five more seconds together. i miss loving some one so much, that i could take all their verbal shots and arrows, every "I hate you" and "I'm sick of you", stupid love. i miss the love that gets you hurt, the kind that gets you crying. i miss living for one person, and knowing that in someway they live just for you, too. i miss it. not just the person anymore, no it's beyond that. i'm over that, which sorta shocks me. i am over it. but i'm so ready to fall in love that...i kept thinking of this last night, that my heart is rumbling, waiting to be opened. it lost the key long ago, and decided to stay locked permenatly. but now it rumbles. it wants. it feels the need to open up and let another heart climb in. so empty now, it begs for something to fill it. no one does, and it just grows more empty. hope is all that's left...and as life scratches away it's remains, i continue to get more complex. i want someone to stop me from becoming Brian Kinney NOW, before it's too late. part of me wants that, because it's so simple. so cool. so much fun. yet so selfish. he fills his heart with himself and i shall do the same if... gah i sound so idiotic. i need to stop listening to emo and indie. now watch as i go listen to Brand New and Tegan and Sara. so pathetic. 7:27 pm - Saturday, Sept. 04, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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