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%%username%%.diaryland.com i miss this.
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[Tuesday, Sept. 07, 2004 @ 12:32 am] insatiable7943 (8:36:23 PM): i'm really in awe of you at this moment. shadyslayer31 (8:36:33 PM): what do you mean? insatiable7943 (8:38:36 PM): that you're so devoted you would give your life for this country. or risk it to go with cason. shadyslayer31 (8:38:49 PM): I guess. shadyslayer31 (8:39:03 PM): I don't know. Maybe it's cause i'm Texan. And you're sorta. shadyslayer31 (8:39:05 PM): raised like that. shadyslayer31 (8:39:17 PM): you're raised to be ready to stand and fight for your country at any minute. shadyslayer31 (8:39:30 PM): you're raised to have guns in your home. to sign up for the reserves. shadyslayer31 (8:39:48 PM): you're just. raised to have amazing pride in everything. your school. your country. insatiable7943 (8:40:23 PM): maybe. but not all texans are like that. shadyslayer31 (8:40:28 PM): i guess not. shadyslayer31 (8:40:33 PM): cason's terrified of it. shadyslayer31 (8:40:38 PM): he doesn't wanna go to war. shadyslayer31 (8:40:46 PM): micheal does. just not for bush. shadyslayer31 (8:41:06 PM): put most people i know don't. they're scared of it. shadyslayer31 (8:41:12 PM): or they're too gung-ho. insatiable7943 (8:42:30 PM): either way. i think that's amazing. that you're amazing even. even if i wouldn't exactly be supportive of this. of anyone's decision to go. shadyslayer31 (8:43:52 PM): thanks. --- that's part of it. I miss her. I really really miss her. --- shadyslayer31 (8:18:44 PM): i'm thinking i'm going to have to. for political reasons. it'll look good. insatiable7943 (8:19:40 PM): but. shadyslayer31 (8:19:48 PM): but what? insatiable7943 (8:20:31 PM): it's. not safe. --- i'm so suprised that she cares. well. not really. i mean. there was a time were. we really loved eachother. depened on eachother. part of the reason i convinced myself i didn't like rayquel when i first met her was...because i was so in love with val. or. at least falling in love with her. i don't know anymore. it was so long ago. i met val 3-4 years ago. --- shadyslayer31 (8:56:37 PM): bah. i turn 16 this year. shadyslayer31 (8:56:45 PM): i don't feel 16. insatiable7943 (8:58:03 PM): lol. how old were you when we met? shadyslayer31 (8:58:18 PM): about 13. maybe 12. insatiable7943 (8:58:45 PM): god. wow. shadyslayer31 (8:58:50 PM): crazy, ain't it? insatiable7943 (8:58:56 PM): i know. so young shadyslayer31 (8:59:21 PM): haha shadyslayer31 (8:59:28 PM): that's about. three to four years. insatiable7943 (9:01:22 PM): that kind of scares me insatiable7943 (9:01:40 PM): lol. and we took ourselves so damn seriously didn't we? shadyslayer31 (9:01:48 PM): always. --- so seriously. like we would be the ones to decide the world's fate tomorrow. we'd stay up, till the wee hours of the morning. talking. debating. joking around. looking up weird things on the internet. bonding. trying not to get close, but getting close anyway. trying not to fall in love, knowing it would cause more difficulties than anything else...it was great and not at the same time. getting calls at 7 AM for no reason, she was the first to do that with me. i was heart broken when she decided to date karen. who talked to me tonight. i don't know why, and it bothers me. was she talking to val about me, or something? what's going on? val told me last time i talked to her that. it would take time for her to trust me again, after i had hurt her. cause i hurt her, just like she had hurt me. she loved me. and when i ached, she ached. we were such masochists about it all. she says she can see that i've changed. that i've changed a lot, and that. it's Rayquel's fault. That Rayquel has changed me so much. Made me such a better person than I was before. And. I guess I agree. I don't think I'm as selfish as I was before. Or maybe I'm more selfish. I don't know. But something's definatly different about me. How I talk. Act. Walk. Feel. Think. it's all different. And I can't exactly explain it. You'd just have to be around me a lot. Even Jordan says I've changed. It's really strange to me, cause I don't notice it. I don't know. --- insatiable7943 (9:02:26 PM): take care of yourself okay? --- I try. I do try.
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